Blech a RL post. Not interested? I'm not forcing you to read.
I'm beginning to wonder if my standards are too high.
I'm not particularly picky with women. I mean a booty and boobs turns me on. But there's no way in hell I'm going to be fucking that body unless I know the girl on a personal level and if she is clean. Sorry this asian doesn't want aids, stds, none of that. The same rule applies to me with guys as well.
You can say I look but don't touch. I still have my hubby Jeff, but the issue that his orientation and our relationship would affect his career and that our relationship will be forever in secret. It has begun to wear down on me. For him to say "I love you" to me hurts me alot. I don't exactly know if I can say it back. I don't want to get hurt, but it makes me guilty because he has already given me the power to hurt him. N the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Were entering our 7th month together, and he's hinting stuff like moving in with him. I don't know what he wants of me. Things like moving in with him would make it seem obvious we were together...and jeopardize his career, and on the other hand he's getting transferred to the gulf of mexico for a month as well....as you can see....we need a long serious talk lol.
I think the most personal issue with me. Is I don't know what love really is. I think I am naive, like any other hormonal teenager. My logic and competence can tell me that and I understand and know I am far from perfect and flawed in every aspect. I believe that I have trouble differentiating what exactly is this aspect of love and just the feeling of lust. I just don't want to guide myself in the wrong direction or make mistakes.
Anyway, I been having a small urge to just see other people, to just know what else is out there. Call it cheating or an open relationship. I frankly don't care how you judge me. I do have a conscious, and I am somewhat guilty of doing this, however if there's something out there that exists to better me, or allow me to understand better about relationships and "love", who am I to deprive myself of such happiness or understanding?
Anyway, despite it being wrong or right, I quickly became disgusted with just the first few peps. Everyone I met, is a horny bastard freak in a quick harsh summary. All they wanted to do, was hook up, one night stand, or do orgies (no thank you). How about a "hello" or your name, hell, your favorite color. My word, the first sentence when messaging/calling someone should not be "want to hook up?". Am I the only one around who wants a justified relationship? I mean, I do have moments where I'm the horniest living mammal on the planet, believe me it happens often, but I don't let my dick do the thinking for me. I have a hand...and I have free porn...it's not hard to satisfy a sex urge.
What I find even worse, is the sheer animosity amounts of guys, who are in the closet. Some are freaking married for lord sakes...why are you calling me?
I also think my standards are too high, or everyone around me is just that bad. I do have preferences.
First of all, I think everyone knows by now, I'm not a fatass who lazes around on the couch all day. I don't have a beer gut, n I'm not a 50 year old creeper dude. I think my body is average, I have nice teeth, and I take care of myself.
My preferences were relatively the same: average body, nice teeth, easy eyes (weak spot for blue eyes, I could get lost in them forever. Same with green haha), n the as far as mentality goes, I think the first sentence coming out of your mouth would be "whats your name?" is by far way better then "want to hook up?".
Blech, I am hoping that my standards aren't high, and that it is indeed infact that everyone around me is that bad.
I'd appreciate anyone who is better at this dating/whatever you want to call it to give advice if you have any.
Fun Fact: I have never in my entire life, asked out anyone. I have ALWAYS been the one being asked out. Partially because I never took partners as a necessity in life. It has always been my back seat.
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Allod News:
It's really quiet in allods. I think alot of the community has left due to the latest patch. As much as I want to stay in the game, if some positive change doesn't happen soon, or at least gain some of the player-base back. I'm not so sure I'll be sticking around.
As far as lvling goes, I heard that the imp guards at asse give 6k exp if you kill them solo. I am thinking that I will probably be grinding on them in the next few days with Faust once I inform him about it. However I'm unsure exactly how efficient it is.
I may be moving to FF14 with pearz and a few others when it comes out. Sounds like I'm stalking her doesn't it? Probably true. We were duoing Laguna Boil heriocs today. I died so many times lulz. She used me as a expiremental punching bag alot. In the end we couldnt duo it. But it was stil fun.
-LG
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