Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Gay Dating World - Crash Summary

Since I'm recently single I've had to resort to the online dating sites to attempt to meet up with other single guys and so on but I couldn't help wonder how society has essentially made dating for gay/bi/lesbian people near impossible or extremely difficult.

The mass society still negatively views Gay people in today's society and because of that, very few whom are gay are going to publicly stand on a podium saying they are single and looking and GAY. No, the majority of the gay population is either arguable in the closet still or "hush hush" about it.

So now we question ourselves then; how do gay people who are afraid of publicly assimilating themselves suppose to find their significant other in a society that rejects and negatively views them?

The Internet - Online Dating Services/Applications.

The internet is free and unbound and also provides online dating sites for the gay community to attempt to meet with each other, however I feel like this invention of internet dating has SEVERELY done more harm then good.

To start off - you must be of 18 and older for these internet dating sites. While everyone is experiencing grade school/middle school crushes and high school romances here is the gay population that is silenced and unable to participate in such; whether if it's a good or bad thing is aside the point, the point being that they are not even given that option without some type of negative view placed upon them by the general society is a travesty.

Okay so now you're 18 then what? Well now you are able to join these dating sites. Now in a normal situation with straight people the general way couples usually meet up is by their local public spheres; friend of a friend, classmates, public event, party, etc etc - total absent of the use of online dating services. Generally most STRAIGHT coupled relationships start via through these public spheres; which also include only their age group, like-minded individuals, and usually people with the same content on values and ethics.

This isn't the case for the Gay population. We are exposed to a way harsher selection. Because this is the internet we are talking about- the public sphere of the internet is WAY more VAST and broad. You will not be paired with like-minded individuals who are in your age group or some friend, classmate, etc etc. These people can range from 50+ men, 30+ middle aged men, and young college students. This is a huge selection may seem nice but it isn't - you are not exposed to just your intended partner criteria, you are exposed to EVERYONE in this public sphere on the internet - thus making you constantly approached by someone whom doesn't fit your criteria.

To give an example I will use myself - I am a 20 year old male who is generally seeking another individual who is in their 20s and also in college , this is the typical sub-public sphere I am trying to appeal to and search in for my significant other. The internet however exposes me to the ENTIRE public sphere of the Gay dating world - meaning everyday I will get maybe a half a dozen e-mails from men who are 50 and retired or 30 with their careers to think about, etc etc.

Even worse - These dating sites made for gay people insinuate a very sex based connotation. Take an example: Adam4adam.com - this site even clearly states itself as a sex and hook - up site. Now I know where all humans and have needs - I'm not by all means trying to neglect them, but when all gay dating sites exemplify the same type of message then it becomes a part of social constructionism and that is a problem.

Now the gay population will be taught, by these innuendoes and connotations implied by these gay dating sites, that it's all about hooking up and having sex. This is the where the selected few people such as myself find it difficult to find anyone whom fits our criteria - of just finding someone to date and a bonafide relationship.

Lastly, because this is the internet - people have the power to be ambiguous or anonymous. This is what internet in general is notorious for. For people who are in the closet this is fine of course - to remain anonymous while searching for your partner in a discreet fashion. However it does become a problem when the anonymous factor is then abused. There are people who I classify as "picture collectors" who ask to see who you are and view your pictures and of course identify you, but remain anonymous and collect your picture and many other individuals as well. Who's on the other side of that computer? could it be someone you know? are you being spied on or stalked? Could it be some 50 year old who's posing as a 20 year old? The internet lets people lie as well. - a 50 year old might lie and say he's 30 to increase his odds in getting into someone's pants. Someone will post fake pictures of someone else to get attention. People will lie bout their HIV status (THE WORST EVER) - all to increase the odds of getting laid. There are a lot of people today who are remaining anonymous because of the fear of who's on the other side. Everyone's valuing pictures like a left arm or nut, because it's their identity (or in the closet). Some are even just satisfied with "all talk" and no action. Which is they can talk all day about the dirty little things they want to do to you, but when you push then an inch to reality and agree - they all the sudden hatch excuses or reasons why they can't do it. Is the fantasy really all that's necessary to justify your existence? I'm disgusted.

The intent of this post is not to say I'm better then these people - I not my goal. This is to show that there are a few selected people who are like-minded as me who just want that person to wake up to every morning - a partner, boyfriend, husband, whatever title you want to place on it. However it is hard when ALL online gay dating sites enable and suggest things like sex and hook ups - making the social constructionism that shapes the gay communities opinions on how they should act and behave. Though the gay population may seem big on the internet; it's not. Out of 1000 people there maybe only 100 (if that) who would share my goals (let alone if they even meet my standards). To give you an idea of how bleak that number is , in bloomington there would be on average maybe 100-200 users at any given point of the day. Cut out everyone who's over 30 - cut out everyone who's looking for hook ups and sex - cut out everyone who I'm not attracted to or frankly share nothing in common with, - cut out the fake profiles, stalkers, the ambiguous, the anonymous and out of those 100-200 users I am left with maybe 1-2. My options are limited and the selection isn't that great (they may not even be into me, which lowers the odds even further)

The internet also takes away someone's abilities to communicate. As a personal user of a few dating services I come to notice that we men really can't communicate. Whenever I'm approached by someone the general phrase would be , "hey" Of course I would reply back, "hey". This conversation is dead - but somehow they seem satisfied that I at least replied to them...it's like a 5 year old tapping your shoulder to say hi and then running away because they secretly like you; cute, but now it's annoying when it's done everyday by that same person - and many others. Note that I'm a communication major and it irritates me to no end that the internet in general has dampened our ability to communicate so much so that the BEST someone can do to approach and start a conversation in this Gay population is "hey." The rare few times I come across someone who can hold a conversation is a God's Send.

In the end, I sometimes wish Online Dating Sites could at least - split themselves into distinction. If you're an online dating site - emphasis DATING/RELATIONSHIPS. If you're a hook up site - emphasis that. Maybe we need 2 different types of dating services then?

In a bigger scope though - I wish society would just hurry up and accept us already. For once I would like to stand on a podium and say "yea I'm Gay/Bi and I'm currently looking for a boyfriend." without being looked upon as Satan's creation - without the use of the internet. I'm tired of games, tired of the dating sites, and tired of 50+ year old men hitting on me. I'm at the point where I've considered just finding a strong independent, successful woman who had no libido to marry and just slap that title of "the classical american family" and just admit defeat to the social constructionism set by society because clearly can't win. I don't care so much about the gay marriage rights, as clearly divorce rates are PRETTY high - the value or marriage quite frankly doesn't appeal to me. I think the true message is that we just want to be accepted by society - and when that day comes would be the day that these dating sites would become irrelevant ; for the most part. I just hope that - that day comes before I become a 50 year old asian midget who chases little boys with "hey" conversation starters/sarcasm.

You're painfully single and lone wolf


Thursday, February 9, 2012

New Champion; Ziggs

Recently a new champion came out from League of Legends. Ziggs the Hexplosive Expert.

If you want my honest opinion he's almost like a brand; heavy heavy ap burst damage. His passive is almost identical to Lux.

I do enjoy playing him quite a bit but the scaling of his AP might be too much to handle.

Riot might be nerfing his AP scaling in the future but I hope not.

Along with the Ziggs patch was a NERF on my LEE SIN (WHY?!?!?)

The reduced his passive...so really why have the passive? as well as reduce the based damage off of his Q spell; Resonating Strike. I fail to see this concept due to the original plan of Lee Sin was the understanding that it was meant to be a ganker champion. The damage is based off of the missing health of the opponent; so yes, gank.

In any case I believe Lee Sin might have lost some capabilities but not utility; I however am now less motivated to play him.

They also buffed Jax to be able to proc his stun sooner then the 2 second timer; I would consider this a buff. They've been playing around with Jax these last few patches as though if they can't seem to get him right.

I wish they would release more support based champions. Soraka, Sona, Taric, Karma, and Janna off the top of my head are probably the only champions in the game that are capable of healing the team. I do certainly wish there were more choices to pick from (Nidalee also heals but I've never seen a support Nidalee lol)


Saturday, January 28, 2012

I'm Back!!

Yes I know; where the fuck have I been?

Well last semester was quite busy. I was doing Lacrosse pre-season practices, more readings, more assignments; utterly time- consuming.

This semester I realized that yet again - I must let go some of my childhood. Turns out I had to quit lacrosse in order to have enough time to commit to my classes.

I have to wake up everyday around 6-7 am to get ready for my classes as they start 8 am everyday.

Me and my boyfriend broke up (January 21st) recently and I'm oddly walking away unscathed from it. In summary, he can't trust that I would just be loyal to him and only him; as if I'm out of his league. Always checking my phone, always checking my facebook (yes he has the password to it), always checking my E-mails (yes he also has this password too), and the last straw was when he impersonated as other people and tried to get me to cheat on him with these so called "imaginary" people. If I can't earn your trust after 11 months of unwavering loyalty; I will leave, and so I did.

During winter break all I did was play League of Legends. I started playing Ranked Solo Que matches and realized; people suck. So if you play League of Legends please add me, Loveguardian, and when summer comes I'll rock your world.

I personally enjoy Rammus as my personal favorite when the team needs a tank. I play a mean Sona too.

Over the Winter Break I also gained other champions to test out and found other champions that I also have good synergy playing with; Mordekaiser, Brand, and my NEW personal favorite - Jarvan.

Mordekaiser is nearly unstoppable in late game. I've gone through some instances where it's 5 v 1 and somehow come out of it with 3-4 kills and alive. Early game I have trouble sustaining him but once I get some spell vamp it gets easier.

Brand is too fun to play with in mid lane. I level up his pillar first just to make last hitting minions easier and pushing the opposing champ back to the turret to lose all his/her last hits. His ultimate is utterly the most DEVASTATING move ever when it comes to teamfights. There's never been a time where I ever lost my lane in a 1 v 1.

Jarvan is my new personal favorite champ added to my collection. I gather a philosopher stone first followed by heart of gold and then proceed from there. He's a great solo top champion and after discovering him I personally always insist on a jungler whenever I pick him. I end up sometimes not only outfarming my opposing champions but also outfarming mid lane too. His ultimate works just great with the turret if anyone ever gets greedy and also is a great way to burn a flash. His passive actually works really great with Madreds Razor and is a fine dps tank if fitted with the correct items. I like solo top with him purely so that he can farm more and snowball more item completions. He's not as good as Rammus is in terms of tanking but he does have some ultilities that Rammus doesn't have and vice versa. I would say I play Jarvan whenever Rammus is banned in ranked haha.

Jarvan's Q spell is like a debuffer to all it hits. Then his E spell is a buffer to the team; doubling it on himself. Grab a Aegis of the Legion and it will be a double buff on nearby allies; making everyone an off-tank (I generally ask the support to grab this or someone else other then me LOL). If you combo his E + Q spell you can knock up enemies or go through walls. his shield spell slows enemies and makes him more durable. Lastly his ultimate burns flashes or keeps enemies in to get raped and prevent them from raping other allies.

Generally the final build of my Jarvan is usually down to the opposing team's composition; mostly AD/mixed/Mostly AP.

Frozen Mallet is the universal item I get regardless of team composition. The slow + hp makes a great utility for the tank.
Aegis of the Legion is optional depending on if someone else in the team got it.
Madreds is an item I grab if the opposing team has more then 1 tank. Or just to troll their tank.

Against a AD team - Thornail - Frozen Heart - Ninja Tabi - Frozen Mallet - Sunfire Cape - Madreds
Against a AP team - Banshees Veil - Frozen Mallet - Mercury Treads - Force of Nature - Warnog's - Atma's Impaler
Mixed Team - Mercury Treads - Thornail - Frozen Mallet - Banshees Veil - Madreds - Guardian Angel

Not set in stone but these are the general builds I usually come to like on Jarvan.

Till then - Back to my studies


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Racoon Jay's First music video

Well if I just posted the video and said "WATCH IT" ; I would become just another seemingly advertisement blog wouldn't I?

I decided to watch the whole thing and evaluate it with my new education and concepts from my filming class.

Before I slaughter the video; and my friend de-friends me on facebook and calls me cruel; overall it's not a bad video for a beginner.

-saved for later before at this point in time I have no time....-


September Ending

Time is kinda flying by. I kinda feel like a laundry machine; toss the shit in there everyday and I will wash/rinse/repeat everyday. It's quite boring and I really don't feel quite "alive". Almost like a machine.

I take a lot of moments in the day were I just look at the sky and take a deep breathe and have a "moment" with myself. It's oddly one of the rare few things that's kind of keeping me sane and refrain from just dropping all my books/responsibilities/and just run.

I miss my allods family. I miss my Holy Cross family, I miss playing LoL, I miss not being able to see my boyfriend everyday. My heart all lies 4 hours north of me. My brain tells me everyday that this is the correct place to be if I want to have a future and career, I know this; but my heart isn't here at all.

I'm so busy, busy, busy, busy. Barely any time for procrastination or leisure time. Hell, there's barely any time to even go to the GYM. I have even come to despise people that walk in the streets wearing suites; signifying that they are "grown ups"; they are "businessmen". To me; they are the broken souls that lost their individuality to consumerism and advertisement ploys mold the mindless souls into whatever they want them to be. I pity them, but I also know it won't be long before I will be one of them. I try in the smallest ways to hold on to any and all childish and fun characteristics of myself. The rollerblades I bought give me some enjoyment and memories when I go all over campus with them. It hit home when I was at the Wilkie Cafe and the manager told me to stop coming there with rollerblades because it was a safety hazard. I almost wanted to cry and lash out at her; I think her fat ass is public indecency and MORE of a safety hazard then me on roller blades.

With getting a REAL education now; the more I learn, the more I want to look away and run. I've learned so many things; many of which I wish I did not learn. Being a communication major; we study things like the history of consumerism; we study things like the errors and mistakes of economic advertisements and in my other classes; the mistakes and errors of environmental choices. I hate it; I absolutely hate it. It's a disease and the more you learn; the more you read; the more you research, the farther the disease spreads. Until it finally reaches your heart; it reaches your core, your very being and soul; the thing that holds you together. It destroys and feasts on all your happy memories of the past and infects them to be sad and depressing foresights' of the future. The worst part is; I know it's happening. I understand what's happening; and I can't do anything about it, but just accept it. It's so much saddness.....

I won't really go into details of what I've been learning in my studies...I could go on paragraphs and essays and chapters about what I've been learning and you wouldn't be able to understand most the gibberish...

I'm afraid the loving, happy, cheerful person I was...the good ole LG that logs in and every prepares for a pervy conversation; has aged 50 years....

I'll still smile....I'll still fake a laugh...I'll still pretend I am me...but deep down...I know that I'm slowly dying.

I can say...the second you learn the truth...you die on the inside.

-LG.....hating humanity.